Today was a slow day. I wasted a couple of hours with the merchant dispute department of one of my credit cards. Going forward, I know not to even consider relying on them and to slowly and carefully read the fine print on anything related to airlines. In fact, a renewed personal moratorium on airplane travel for the next 7 years and more research into possibly sailing around the world sounds ever more appealing. And cheaper too…
Also, I was reminded that venting with some of my friends is just the same as talking with my mom. They’ll mean well but come off as dismissive. Yes, I am indeed impulsive at times and am highly tempted by extremes, but don’t give me the standard conformist responses. I can infer all of what you have to say from the boilerplate and assurances of customer service agents, thanks. I am looking for solutions or alternatives for the present, not for what I should have done differently in the past when I had incomplete information (if it wasn’t clear, I have already taken notes in that regard). To me, soft chiding is often isomorphic to a strong reprimand; both can be equally repellent.
That being said, I wonder why I think that way. I probably have very low enthusiasm and high anxiety. If something that involves a modicum of effort on my end goes slightly awry (past a certain threshold that is dependent on the situation), I will get pissed, become disheartened, and/or shut down. In the end, I will go through the motions, counting the minutes for the new ordeal to be over. My first instinct is to avoid similar situations in the future like the plague, whenever -or as much as- possible. Otherwise, I know that I will not be as pleasant to be around as I am bad at hiding my irritation.
Perhaps, I do need a cooling-off period in isolation before telling others of my troubles. I would probably be less volatile. I could also try to analyze my reactions from a different perspective and not dwell on things that have gone wrong in such a negative light. But from past experiences, if I try to do so immediately, I become incensed. At this stage, it’s easier to observe what things upset me and explore why they have such an effect on my mood. (In previous years, I would have stewed in my own anger or simply have an outburst, so progress is slowly gaining momentum.) Comprehensive behavior modification can wait until I have a better understanding of my own thought patterns.
Anyway, tonight’s menu:
I heated up some blue corn taco shells in the air fryer and split them in half for dipping. Some mixed greens and extra spinach served as the green fodder. I also took the leftover beans from the other night from the fridge, pureed them in the Vitamix, and made refried beans. They needed some salt (and Braggs and pepper and olive oil) because I had to thin them out with water; the Vitamix is getting grumpy in its later years. My mom and I made some guacamole with five ripe avocados, garlic, tomatoes, jalapeños, cilantro, shallots, pepper, and salt. Overall, they were tasty. I would like to include seasoned rice and a taco meat substitute in future iterations, though.
Although the start of the evening was not what I would call fun, catching up with my mom and showing her pictures of my recent trip were indeed enjoyable activities. I appreciate her company a lot more when she’s not hysterically doing chores or entranced by her WhatsApp group texts. It’s always better when we can chat uninterrupted.
A Time to Try New Things 